what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
