He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
