i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The Olympian is in my bed
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