i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
