My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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