What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
