He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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