somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
