I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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