Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
