i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
