i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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