there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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