Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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