Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
