R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
