Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
