if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
