There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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