He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
