i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
