I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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