It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
