So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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