does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
