Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
