All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
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just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
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I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I wear drunk well.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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