dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
