i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
