my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
