I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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