the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
