I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
