i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
