I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
