i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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