Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You're like the curious george of whores
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
