Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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