i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
