you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
