you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
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The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
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I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM