New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!