i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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