all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery