Whod you bang
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
