why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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