Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
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i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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