i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
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I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.