my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
she was so not down for the gang bang
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
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ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
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only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16