Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
