you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
