im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
