well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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