My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
