how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
