i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
