I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
