I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
