areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
