it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
