I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
