I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
