I want to have your abortion
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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