Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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