If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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