Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
