So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
