I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
