Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
