Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
