That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
