i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
