theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
