If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
