WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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