so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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