and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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