Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
