So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So many bounce houses so little time
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
